Very interesting that you name this! I’m a product designer, so I’m sure this illusion of domesticity with the phone is intentional (unfortunately). Another question designers often ask ourselves is how to label the user’s stuff. Is it “My settings” or “Your settings”? Is the product talking to you, or is it coming from your own perspective? I thought you might like that little piece of our dilemmas in the tech world lol.
This was an interesting essay but, as a 73 year old retired academic, and someone on the autism spectrum, I don't relate at all. To me, a phone is a tool, as is a computer. They are both very helpful tools, that I have always used to make my life more efficient and to give me access to things that I may not otherwise have access to. But, they aren't my home. When I began kindergarten I had pieces of lined paper, a pencil and an eraser. The teacher had a blackboard and chalk. That's it. I've lived through all of the technological advances and welcomed almost all of them. I was always one of the first in my department and school to use computers and software, to teach online, to use various platforms to make my life and the lives of my students easier. I use my laptop and phone every day, but as tools, inside and outside of my home. I would never view either one as my home. But, I also realize that my brain works a bit differently and I certainly don't begrudge those who do feel that their phone is their home. I don't have to understand it to accept it.
Thank you for sharing that perspective. It keeps me from wasting my time sharing the "home" metaphor with my sweet Aspie husband, who absolutely could have written your comment.😊
Many have examined how phones have become extensions of our identity. Your comparison of the home screen to a "house" with its own "creaky steps" captures the emotional structure behind our habits. It suggests the phone goes beyond mere utility (object) by providing a sense of spatial comfort. Agree that repetition created a feeling that is both intimate and slightly terrifing.
Exactly why I feel so intrusive when using a friend’s phone… I’d feel more comfortable reading through their journal. And being told someone’s passcode feels like being given a copy of their house keys
Yes! So fascinating. Like a test of a relationship/friendship is knowing or being allowed to know another’s password. It says ‘yeah, you’re welcome to roam around this space that has every part of my life in it’.
Really cool essay. I’m struck by the difference in meaning between the metaphor in the title (i.e. your phone is a “house”) versus what the meat of the essay is actually exploring (i.e. your phone is a “home.”) A house is defined by a functional purpose — it’s where a person lives — while a home is where a person belongs. People who spend a lot of time on their phones often talk about “living” online. Maybe the alienation we’re feeling when we’re online is the sensation of living in a house that doesn’t feel exactly like home.
We’re trying to make a home out of a house we’re renting from a landlord who constantly has workers coming into your house and setting up cameras and microphones and renovating and moving things around and adding and removing things. Not to mention the workers trying to make you never want to leave the house and just forget about the outside world.
What you said about the clear distinction of your computer being a workplace that we can pack away and leave compared to the phone - the portable object that has seeped into so many aspects of our lives is so thought provoking. I hadn't thought of it they way but you're so true. Smart phones are this way by design but it's still up to us how much a hold we allow them to have over us.
It’s interesting to me as someone who moved around a lot since I was young I never got attached to any physical space. This feeling translates to my phone as well. I don’t have much care as to where the apps are on my phone besides the tool bar. It has really distressed some people I’ve shared that with and they looked at me with distrust
Perfectly said. I’m 71… and not one who moved around at all as a child, yet my digital devices have not nabbed me for anything but great tools. I have rearranged my apps purposefully and accidentally at times. I can also set my devices down for days without concern… funny thing is, that’s when my family will call me to find out if I’m ok! lol. That’s how I know alls well and my family is ok too.
As we live in this ever extending digital world, we must keep our humanity and human our connection foremost~
great article! i'm a UX designer and these are "interface metaphors" - originally used in the old days to easily acquaint new users with foreign computer user interfaces. for example, a "window" can be "opened" or "closed"... this was intentional and would have been useful back then to help people who'd never used a computer before understand how to use an interface.
now, though, these interface metaphors are so normalized in everyday language, and our interactions with technology have become so complex that the invitation of phone as a house has taken on an ominous meaning...
Digital home feels more like a trap than an actual home.
Real home always made me feel safe and comforted, but whenever I open my phone, especially Instagram, it breaks me a little. I end up collecting myself again after seeing things that make me insecure about my life or even the people around me.
And the funniest part is that I am ranting about my phone while using my phone.
But honestly, this damn phone really makes us unhappy and unsatisfied with things around us. Otherwise, we are actually happy just filling our own cup instead of looking at everyone else’s cup.
Sometimes it is good too because I get to talk to more people and hear different opinions.
In the same way I feel comforted surrounded by the crowds of a city, knowing that no one’s really paying attention to you in particular - I feel more reassured that our information , our surroundings, our ‘nook’ of online activity becomes lost by the hubbub of the crowd of the billions and billions of data points surrounding us. Unless you give them a reason to look at you, of course.
Beautifully written essay by the way! Its always lovely to read them when they come through in my emails. Keep it up :D
Heck yes. My favorite is that it’s named iPhone. Not pocketmac. The phone functions are always at the bottom of the app stack in terms of usage. But anchoring to the mental model of the phone is crucial to the boomers Apple needed to drive and sustain majority ownership. It’s overwhelming and triggering for most people above 55 to confront the idea of a galaxy or android in their pocket.
Very interesting that you name this! I’m a product designer, so I’m sure this illusion of domesticity with the phone is intentional (unfortunately). Another question designers often ask ourselves is how to label the user’s stuff. Is it “My settings” or “Your settings”? Is the product talking to you, or is it coming from your own perspective? I thought you might like that little piece of our dilemmas in the tech world lol.
SO INTERESTING thank you for your perspective!!
Connections that disconnect us from real relationships
There's a great song about this (if you like metal) on SoundCloud and YT, it is called Noices - Domino
https://youtu.be/OrZQnFfjvJI?si=aRpTuPywu3oigkp8
No the AI song with the AI picture 😭😭😭
You should focus on content and emotions not how it is made. That's a biased shallow judgment:)
The song us absolutely terrible. AI content is not art. There is nothing to like about it.
I’m more of a classical gal but my husband is a metal guy so I’ll let him know. Thanks
This was an interesting essay but, as a 73 year old retired academic, and someone on the autism spectrum, I don't relate at all. To me, a phone is a tool, as is a computer. They are both very helpful tools, that I have always used to make my life more efficient and to give me access to things that I may not otherwise have access to. But, they aren't my home. When I began kindergarten I had pieces of lined paper, a pencil and an eraser. The teacher had a blackboard and chalk. That's it. I've lived through all of the technological advances and welcomed almost all of them. I was always one of the first in my department and school to use computers and software, to teach online, to use various platforms to make my life and the lives of my students easier. I use my laptop and phone every day, but as tools, inside and outside of my home. I would never view either one as my home. But, I also realize that my brain works a bit differently and I certainly don't begrudge those who do feel that their phone is their home. I don't have to understand it to accept it.
Thank you for sharing that perspective. It keeps me from wasting my time sharing the "home" metaphor with my sweet Aspie husband, who absolutely could have written your comment.😊
I LOVE this. The insights feel obvious in the best way—like “how could I not have thought of this before???”
Many have examined how phones have become extensions of our identity. Your comparison of the home screen to a "house" with its own "creaky steps" captures the emotional structure behind our habits. It suggests the phone goes beyond mere utility (object) by providing a sense of spatial comfort. Agree that repetition created a feeling that is both intimate and slightly terrifing.
And then there are icons - religious paintings intended to focus devotion
WHOA i'll have to do some thinking about this!!
This one was poetry and (imagery-wise) visually stunning (like a phone)
Exactly why I feel so intrusive when using a friend’s phone… I’d feel more comfortable reading through their journal. And being told someone’s passcode feels like being given a copy of their house keys
Yes! So fascinating. Like a test of a relationship/friendship is knowing or being allowed to know another’s password. It says ‘yeah, you’re welcome to roam around this space that has every part of my life in it’.
Really cool essay. I’m struck by the difference in meaning between the metaphor in the title (i.e. your phone is a “house”) versus what the meat of the essay is actually exploring (i.e. your phone is a “home.”) A house is defined by a functional purpose — it’s where a person lives — while a home is where a person belongs. People who spend a lot of time on their phones often talk about “living” online. Maybe the alienation we’re feeling when we’re online is the sensation of living in a house that doesn’t feel exactly like home.
We’re trying to make a home out of a house we’re renting from a landlord who constantly has workers coming into your house and setting up cameras and microphones and renovating and moving things around and adding and removing things. Not to mention the workers trying to make you never want to leave the house and just forget about the outside world.
What you said about the clear distinction of your computer being a workplace that we can pack away and leave compared to the phone - the portable object that has seeped into so many aspects of our lives is so thought provoking. I hadn't thought of it they way but you're so true. Smart phones are this way by design but it's still up to us how much a hold we allow them to have over us.
It’s interesting to me as someone who moved around a lot since I was young I never got attached to any physical space. This feeling translates to my phone as well. I don’t have much care as to where the apps are on my phone besides the tool bar. It has really distressed some people I’ve shared that with and they looked at me with distrust
Perfectly said. I’m 71… and not one who moved around at all as a child, yet my digital devices have not nabbed me for anything but great tools. I have rearranged my apps purposefully and accidentally at times. I can also set my devices down for days without concern… funny thing is, that’s when my family will call me to find out if I’m ok! lol. That’s how I know alls well and my family is ok too.
As we live in this ever extending digital world, we must keep our humanity and human our connection foremost~
great article! i'm a UX designer and these are "interface metaphors" - originally used in the old days to easily acquaint new users with foreign computer user interfaces. for example, a "window" can be "opened" or "closed"... this was intentional and would have been useful back then to help people who'd never used a computer before understand how to use an interface.
now, though, these interface metaphors are so normalized in everyday language, and our interactions with technology have become so complex that the invitation of phone as a house has taken on an ominous meaning...
Digital home feels more like a trap than an actual home.
Real home always made me feel safe and comforted, but whenever I open my phone, especially Instagram, it breaks me a little. I end up collecting myself again after seeing things that make me insecure about my life or even the people around me.
And the funniest part is that I am ranting about my phone while using my phone.
But honestly, this damn phone really makes us unhappy and unsatisfied with things around us. Otherwise, we are actually happy just filling our own cup instead of looking at everyone else’s cup.
Sometimes it is good too because I get to talk to more people and hear different opinions.
But trust me, it is really this damn phone.
In the same way I feel comforted surrounded by the crowds of a city, knowing that no one’s really paying attention to you in particular - I feel more reassured that our information , our surroundings, our ‘nook’ of online activity becomes lost by the hubbub of the crowd of the billions and billions of data points surrounding us. Unless you give them a reason to look at you, of course.
Beautifully written essay by the way! Its always lovely to read them when they come through in my emails. Keep it up :D
Heck yes. My favorite is that it’s named iPhone. Not pocketmac. The phone functions are always at the bottom of the app stack in terms of usage. But anchoring to the mental model of the phone is crucial to the boomers Apple needed to drive and sustain majority ownership. It’s overwhelming and triggering for most people above 55 to confront the idea of a galaxy or android in their pocket.
I'm not gonna be able to stop thinking about this one for a while. Like it genuinely messed me up